Panic Day
By
Mohammad Charmshir
Translated exclusively for Gallery Mamak by Mamak Nourbakhsh
First Woman
Eight am, hairdresser. Two pm notary. Four to six pm photographer’s for filming. Eight to ten pm wedding hall. Then our house with close relatives.
Third Woman
Modern youth! They don’t believe in anything anymore. They just make fun of anything you tell them to do.
Fourth Woman
We haven’t invited too many people; just close relatives: aunts, uncles and their families, right?
Third Woman
Unlike us. There are very few things we can make fun of any more.
Fourth Woman
I told everyone to come to the wedding hall. I feel more comfortable this way and I know my son will be happier.
Third Woman
That which our kids make fun of has now somehow become a part of our dreams.
Fourth Woman
I really am not up to facing a crowd and greeting people.
Third Woman
I talked them into getting a hairdresser, bridal gown, and ceremony. I figured even if we just got a small thing going it would be better than nothing at all. I told them, ‘You’re too young to understand such things.’
Fourth Woman
I told his father not to even think of coming close to me. All I want to do is to concentrate on our groom here.
First Woman
This is our plan for the wedding day.
First Woman picks up the bridal gown lying at her feet.
The sound of women cheering. The second woman plays out a bridal march on her tambourine.
First woman dances with the bridal gown.
The women sing the bridal song, lay out a tablecloth and place the traditional wedding paraphernalia on it.
Third Woman
We’ve been bumping into each other since this morning in this house.
Fourth Woman
It’s hot.
Second Woman
It’s been like this for a couple of days now.
Third Woman
I don’t know half of these people and I only wish I didn’t know the other half.
Second Woman
It’s not just hot, it feels strange; like it’s dirty.
Fourth Woman
It’s been worse today than the other days.
Third Woman
These people aren’t bothering me; it’s just that they’re messing up the house and that makes me sick.
Second Woman
When you breathe you just inhale a mass of dust and grime.
Third Woman
They keep turning around themselves. They’re all over the place destroying things.
Second Woman
There’s something else in the air too. Some kind of tension.
Third Woman
I can’t stand this smell of perfume, sweat and grime that has spread through this house.
The first woman turns on the radio and the daily news is broadcast.
The second woman is bringing in something to place on the wedding spread when she
drops and breaks it.
Suddenly everyone panics and stops working.
Second Woman
My canary died today. It’s not good to start a day with death.
First Woman
My throat has cramped since this morning. I can hardly swallow my own saliva.
Fourth Woman
There’s something in the air today that is getting to me.
First Woman
My hands and feet are numb. My head feels as heavy as lead.
Second Woman
Our neighbor’s wife is wondering why we’ve left the window open. Poor thing, she’s suffocating from all the dust. How was I to know? I thought fresh air would be good for her.
Third Woman
I couldn’t find a moment’s peace all night long. I kept on tossing and turning.
Fourth Woman
In the past when he used to go to school, I would keep him at home on such days.
Third Woman
Every time I turn around I notice the light on in her room.
Second Woman
I didn’t want to come. I was feeling low. Death always disconcerts me; even if it is just the death of a canary.
First Woman
I keep feeling thirsty. I force myself to drink some water but this thirst won’t go anywhere.
Third Woman
What the hell is she doing all this time?
Fourth Woman
I tell him, ‘don’t leave my side today.’ He just laughs.
Third Woman
So when is she going to get some sleep?
First Woman
I look at myself in the mirror. I’m pale.
Fourth Woman
I say, ‘stay home today and don’t go anywhere. Just be where I am. I want to be able to see you.’
Third Woman
It’s not good for a bride to have black rings under her eyes or to yawn throughout her wedding.
Second Woman
I don’t know what made me come. It wasn’t just because I had promised to come. I wanted to stay home, a place where a canary died recently.
Fourth Woman
I tell him, ‘then at least let me come with you. I’ll just sit next to you. If you like, I won’t even talk. This way I’ll find some peace.’
First Woman
I hope I’m not getting sick.
Second Woman
I don’t feel at all well.
Third Woman
What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so awful? Is she suffering as much as I am?
Second woman enters with a small brazier on which she pours incense.
Fourth Woman
I can’t just sit here like this. I keep on wondering where you are and what’s going on.
Second Woman
When I tell her, ‘It’s not my day today.’ She says, ‘but it’s my day today. It’s my wedding day.’
Third Woman
It feels like it’s the day of torment today.
Fourth Woman turns on the radio and the day’s news is broadcast.
First Woman
I am walking and breathing into my own palms to see if my mouth smells of disease or not.
Second Woman
I say, ‘I can only prepare for mourning today.’ She laughs.
Third Woman
I can’t stand my own mood. I get pissed off and laugh, it’s about all I can do.
Second Woman
I say, ‘you spread it out. Lay out anything you want.’
First Woman
My mouth doesn’t smell of disease but it smells of a thousand other things. It’s like everything I’ve eaten recently is stuck between my teeth: pasted to the roof of my mouth.
Fourth Woman
I say, ‘believe me, this is the very last time. After today it’s all going to be between you and your wife. For now, you’re still my charge.’
Third Woman
I say, ‘Don’t be like me, girl. I’ve always only done what could be done.’
First Woman
I smell musty.
Second Woman
I want to laugh; I can’t. I keep remembering the canary.
Fourth Woman
He won’t stay. He won’t stay with me. He’s leaving... I wish kids would never grow up!
Second Woman
It’s up to her. I haven’t been able to laugh these days. I’m worse today. She says, ‘well, then go on. Cry!’
First Woman
I set the time. I go and brush my teeth every ten minutes.
Third Woman
I don’t want to show anything. It’s hard.
Second Woman
I cry.
First Woman
I figure the smell might be from my body. I put on some deodorant. Then I spray on some perfume. I change my clothes. I take a shower. But the smell lingers.
Fourth Woman
I tell him, ‘drive slowly. Don’t rush. The streets are covered in grime.’ But I know he’s not going to drive slowly. He’s in a rush. He’s always worried about being late.
Third Woman
I can’t help it. I’ve got butterflies in my stomach.
Fourth Woman
He moves his feet in his sleep. I say, ‘not like this, child!’ he doesn’t say anything. I know that even in his sleep he’s in a rush to get somewhere.
First Woman
I close the windows. I spray the house with air freshener. The smell is deep down within me.
Second Woman
What a morning! And what now! Something in my head screams, ‘it’s to forestall calamity,’ I say, ‘may it always strike little things!’ I say that’s all I ever say. But I don’t know why a canary has to pay.
Third Woman
Breaking wedding things is not a good omen.
Second Woman
I’ll pick up the broken pieces.
Third Woman
I dig my fingernails into the palm of my hand to stop me talking.
Second Woman
I tell her, ‘if you ever catch a cold again from now till the end of your life they’re going to say that it’s cause something broke on your wedding day.’
Fourth Woman
I go into his room. I quietly clean the place up and keep telling myself that he’s never going to come back to this room again.
First Woman
I smell of blood. I don’t have my period but I still smell of blood. I can’t take it anymore.
Third Woman
Something is churning in my gut. I want to throw up.
Second Woman, who is kneeling, picking up the broken pieces off the floor, suddenly gives out a sharp scream. Everyone turns around to look at her.
Second Woman
I tell them, ‘These days are days of blood.’ Something is scorching my hand. Something is scorching my eyes.
Third Woman
I suddenly remembered the dream I had last night.
Second Woman looks at the cut on her hand.
First Woman
She says, ‘these days are days of blood’. I say, ‘speak of nice things.’
Fourth Woman
I pull out the strands of his hair caught in his comb and roll them into a ball. I put them on a tissue as if they’re all I have ever had of an entire lifetime.
First Woman
She says, ‘blood is not a nice word.’
Third Woman
I’m in a busy street. My basket is full of rotting things.
First Woman
Yes, blood isn’t a nice word when your mouth smells of it, your body smells of it; when everywhere you turn the smell of blood lingers in your nostrils. I don’t tell her any of these things.
Second Woman
I wash my hands. I look at the path I’ve taken to this toilet. Everywhere there are bloodstains.
Fourth Woman
I sit down and comb my hair.
Third Woman
I want to get home as fast as possible.
Fourth Woman
I comb my hair while singing a lullaby for him, for me, for all those mothers whose children go.
Fourth Woman starts to sing a lullaby.
Third Woman
I don’t know which way I have to go. The bazaar is unfamiliar to me. I keep on going but I don’t get anywhere.
Second Woman
I sit and watch one of the bloodstains. I figure this stain once passed through my heart, my brain. Does it still remember what went on in those places.
Third Woman
I don’t even know why I had that dream or why I’m remembering it now.
First Woman
I turn my wedding gown inside out and pour the whole bottle of perfume over it. It’s drenched.
Third Woman
I say, ‘why is this wedding like this?’ I say, ‘Well, why doesn’t someone get up and dance?’I say, ‘I figure I have to do that on my own.’
First Woman
My dress dries; in its place there’s a huge yellow stain.
Second Woman
I press my ear to the ground, to the bloodstain. I can hear my heart, my brain.
Fourth Woman
I tell myself, ‘Does this mean I should no longer expect him for dinner?’
First Woman
I tell her, ‘I ruined my wedding gown.’
Second Woman
I tell him, ‘I’m ok now. He asks, ‘why?’ I say, ‘they say when there’s a bad omen blood must be shed. Now this blood is being shed.’
First Woman
She looks at me like she’s never seen me before.
Second Woman slowly dances on the broken pieces.
Second Woman
She says, ‘don’t do that, you nutcase!’ I say, ‘doesn’t everything have to be washed once more? This is the only way.
Fourth Woman
I sit and count all the dinners we’ve had with each other. All the lunches. All the cucumbers, oranges…
Third Woman
I don’t get up. I just sit there and everything passes in gloom.
Third Woman turns on the radio and the daily news is broadcast. First Woman slowly washes the bloodstains off Second Woman’s feet.
First Woman
She says, ‘today my neighbor was telling her husband to hurry home cause the city is seething.’
Fourth Woman
My entire life and his pass before my eyes. I can see that we lived together a long time, a long time.
Second Woman
I look at my feet. It’s like I’ve painted my toenails red. I laugh. I finally laugh after all this time.
First Woman
I ask what that is supposed to mean.
Third Woman
I get a dust cloth and dust every corner of the house. Bloodstains have taken over the whole place. What a house it’s turned into!
First Woman
I say, ‘why do you always think you’re the only one who understands everything?’
Second Woman
I tell him, ‘I am laughing.’ I tell him, ‘Why is this happening? Why am I laughing when blood is streaming out of me?’
First Woman
I say, ‘What do you make of all this?’ I can see that I can’t understand anything.
Third Woman
I organize the shoes. I hang the clothes. They’re like people who have everything except a head and a face.
First Woman
She says, ‘this is it. The brides of this city have no idea what’s going on. No idea of the dust, the grime, the death.’
Third Woman
I remember my dream. I remember the people in the bazaar, none of them had a head.
Fourth Woman
I get up and leave his room but before I shut the door I look at his picture, ‘you must always smile; even when I’m dying.’
First Woman holds a wig while Second Woman begins to set its hair with her bloody hands.
Third Woman
I look at myself. My clothes are drenched in blood.
First Woman
She says, ‘open the window, Girl, smell the city.’
She laughs.
Second Woman
I tell her, ‘you should have dyed your hair. Bordeaux looks good on you.’
She laughs.
Fourth Woman
His picture is laughing. The corner of his mouth creases. I love it.
Second Woman
I tell her, ‘I’ll dye your hair for you now. Darker than bordeaux.’ I laugh.
First Woman
I tell her, ‘stop laughing.’
Third Woman
Someone is calling out to me. I don’t know who it is. I search every corner of the house to find who’s calling me.
Second Woman
I tell her, ‘there’s nothing wrong with laughing. We’re the problem: we’ve gotten too used to crying, to sorrow, to tears.’
Fourth Woman
I close the door to his room. I know I will never go back there.
Third Woman
I can see there are people everywhere. Who are these people? Where have they come from? Why are they here?
First Woman
I tell her, ‘there’s nothing wrong with laughing. But how come there are only these laughs everywhere I turn?’
Second Woman
I stroke her hair. Slowly her hair takes on the color of my blood.
Third Woman sweeps up the broken pieces.
Fourth Woman
I touch the broken windows looking out onto the street.
There is grime all over the windows.
Third Woman
I wash the fruit. I clean each and every one. I separate those that are rotten, squashed or withered.
Fourth Woman
I tell his father, ‘hurry up, catch up with him and give him this mask. There is a lot of pollution in the air today.’
First Woman
I want to go somewhere where there isn’t so much laughter.
Third Woman
The tray is full of rotten, squashed, withered fruit. Why is everything turning rotting so fast?
Fourth Woman
His father knows that I know he’s gone and yet he gets up and leaves. He knows I want to cry.
Third Woman
I suddenly realize I don’t remember if I’ve disinfected the fruit. I want to ask someone, but I don’t know whom to ask.
Fourth Woman
Why are all the kids going like this? Why have they all suddenly started to go as fast as the wind. They leave just like that?
Second Woman turns on the radio and the daily news is broadcast.
First Woman
I wander around the house.
Second Woman
I say, ‘well, sit down a minute.’
Third Woman
I throw all the fruit into the sink again, rotten and good together. I disinfect them all.
Fourth Woman
When his father comes back I say, ‘I should have at least warned him not to pull down the car window.’ His father knows I’ve already said this.
Second Woman
Dirt and grime. It’s everywhere, even in the street and in the house.
First Woman
I panic. I’m stressed. I can’t figure out where I’ve put things. I look for them and can’t find them anymore. Nothing is where it should be.
Third Woman
The fruit smell of disinfectant. My hands smell of disinfectant. The house smells of disinfectant. I want to throw up.
Fourth Woman
I know I have to get ready but I don’t. I stand at the window and watch the grime-filled street.
First Woman
I ask, ‘didn’t the neighbor’s husband ask what was going on today?’
Second Woman
You’re right. Even the clouds aren’t in their right places.
Third Woman
I say, ‘Girl, I’ve been throwing up my entire life but I’ve still washed everything. I still disinfect things cause this is a house. We live here.’
First Woman
I look. I only look. She doesn’t say anything. She drives me crazy.
Second Woman
Can the sky really be cloudless for so long?
First Woman
I go organize my stuff again. I keep feeling there’s something missing—something I’ve forgotten.
Fourth Woman
I tell myself he might come back. He might have left something behind. He might have forgotten something.
Second Woman
I say, ‘we’ve all forgotten something and we don’t know what it is but we keep on searching.’
First Woman
What is that?
Third Woman
I say, ‘Girl, take the house keys with you. I want you to always have the keys to this house with you.’
Fourth Woman
I clean the windows again but the grime of this air won’t wash off them.
Fourth Woman turns on the radio and the daily news is broadcast.
Third Woman
I tell myself she must always have somewhere, a place she always knows exists, that’s always clean.
First Woman
I go to the bathroom for the thousandth time. I just flush the toilet and come out.
Third Woman
This is all I can do for her.
Fourth Woman
‘God, send my son some rain. He loves the rain. He hates dust and grime. He… ‘I don’t know if God can hear me or not.’
First Woman
I feel I have a fever.
Second Woman
It’s all because of stress.
First Woman
My whole body is burning up.
Third Woman
I’m suffocating. I say, ‘this grime is not going anywhere before it suffocates us all.’ There’s no one around me to heed what I’m saying.
Fourth Woman
I tell his father, ‘can these helicopters that keep circling the sky do anything to make it rain?’
Third Woman
I say, ‘this weather needs a good downpour. The smell of rain takes all smells away.’
Second Woman
I’m contaminating the whole place with this blood that’s seeping out of my hand.
Third Woman
I look and see everyone wearing a mask over their mouths.
First Woman picks up a suit.
First Woman
The groom is gone to prepare himself. He’s coming back at two o’clock this afternoon.
Fourth Woman comes over and takes the suit First Woman is holding.
Fourth Woman
I tell his father, ‘here you go, this is your son’s wedding suit.’ His father laughs. I cry.
Third Woman
I say, ‘take it. It can make anyone uncomfortable.’ I don’t know why these masks upset me so.
Fourth Woman
My tears stain the boy’s suit.
Second Woman
I tell her, ‘get more flowers. I need these flowers.’
Second Woman rips off flower petals and strews them across the wedding spread. Second Woman’s depressing song.
Third Woman
Why this song? Why so heartrending?
Second Woman holds up a mirror to the wig.
Second Woman
Ok?
Third Woman
I’m nervous.
Fourth Woman
When I look out the window I can see women running; the men are running. I tell his father, ‘everyone is running. What’s going on?’ I remember my boy, is he also running now?
Third Woman
I ask, ‘Who’s to take the bridal car and set it with flowers?’
Second Woman
I say, ‘I will most certainly come.’
Fourth Woman
I call him on his cell phone.
First Woman pulls out the cell phone and holds it to the wig.
First Woman
‘No response to paging.’
Fourth Woman takes the cell phone.
Fourth Woman
‘No response to paging,’ that’s all it ever says.
Second Woman is still ripping flower petals and strewing them over the spread. She stops and looks at her hands.
Second Woman
I say, ‘I’m getting blood all over your flowers.’
First Woman
My mouth tastes of blood again.
Fourth Woman
I tell his father, ‘where is this child?’
Third Woman
I need to take a shower, put some clothes and make up on. I don’t. .. why am I so sluggish these days?
Fourth Woman
I’m jittery.
Third Woman
Set out a bowl of dates… Why dates?
First Woman turns on the radio and the daily news is broadcast.
First Woman
It’s three o’clock; no one has come to fetch me.
Second Woman
I tell our neighbor, ‘I can’t stand you throwing this canary in the trash.’
Fourth Woman
I look out the window, everyone is still running in one direction. I ask myself, which direction am I to run in?
Third Woman
I look at the spread, it’s full of bloodstains.
First Woman
It’s four o’clock; no one has come to fetch me.
Third Woman
I say, ‘whose blood is it that’s soaking her wedding spread?’
First Woman
It’s five o’clock; no one has come to fetch me.
Third Woman
No one answers me.
Second Woman
I say, ‘I go back and bury it in the yard.’
Third Woman
I search inside the house. I can’t find my way. Everything’s lost in this house.
First Woman
It’s six o’clock; no one has come to fetch me.
Fourth Woman
I look at my hand, it’s bleeding.
Second Woman
I remember our house doesn’t have a yard to bury a canary in.
First Woman
I touch my lips. The warmth of blood burns them.
Fourth Woman
The windows are dripping blood.
First Woman
Blood slowly drips from my lips onto my wedding gown.
Third Woman
I finally find a door in our house; I open it. The dust and grime of the street suddenly assail me.
Fourth Woman
I open the window. I want to go outside and run with my son.
First Woman
I’ve ruined my wedding gown. I chug down oodles of water. I feel I’m disintegrating from inside.
Second Woman
I put my canary in my bag and take off.
Third Woman turns on the radio and the daily news is broadcast. All the other women line up behind the bride and groom’s wedding dresses now drenched in blood. First and Fourth Women lift the dresses and begin to sing the wedding song in an agonized strain.